Fifty Shades Freed



Where Watched: The theater. About 20 people in attendance, just one man.

Watched with: My girlfriend aka my submissive

Wow. An instant classic. There's Kubrick, Hitchcock, Coppola, and now James Foley. What can I say about this movie that hasn't already been said about The Godfather, The Shawshank Redemption, or my browser history?

The acting? Incredible. I've heard many people compare Jamie Dornan to a young Marlon Brando, although after this performance I'd say he's more comparable to HUMPhrey Bogart. A simple movie blogger would say that Dakota Johnson's acting chops liken themselves to "Meryl Strips" but I would say she is more like Dame Judi Drenched.

This movie is the Citizen Kane of our generation but you'd have to replace the word "Rosebud" with "Butt Plug". Classic movie lines such as "Life is like a box of chocolates" and "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore" are now joined by perfect writing like "Boobs in boobland" and "My safe word is purple. Just kidding, it's red".

Look, you know what you are getting when you see this movie. I don't particularly like these movies, because I don't particularly like pieces of shit. But knowing what I was getting myself into, I didn't hate this one as much as the first two. The soundtrack fucks, as it has throughout the trilogy. Were there some plot holes? Sure. But if I think if this trilogy has proven anything it's that there are no holes Christian Grey can't fill. I'm just glad there won't be any more.

Favorite Scene: Anastasia drives the car fast, and then says "I'm a race car driver"

Overall Score: 33/100

PS- There is a nice little final scene where they have an adorable baby and are being great parents. I don't wanna know what consequences that poor kid is gonna have if he disobeys his father.

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