Brian Watched

Where watched: Theaters Watched with: Myself and a ton of old people Fuck this movie. As I mentioned in my review of Gifted  , there are often movies that just are not good but I can still get a lot of enjoyment out of them. This was the opposite. Watching this movie, I knew it was a wonderful made "film". I can respect it for that. It was nice to look at, the acting was fucking awesome, because of course it was. And also, this movie fucking sucked. It's about some dude with OCD that makes dresses. For some reason, some young attractive girl starts to date him even though he's a big fucking weirdo. Then he is rude to her because she has a personality and is actually cool. But then she turns out to be a little crazy too. There you go. Thats the fucking movie. The one nominated for the Oscar for Best Mother Fucking Picture of the year. Again, great acting throughout. But I don't give a shit. This was supposedly Daniel Day Lewis's last performance. Go...

Where watched: Home. Watched with: Morgo I have trouble rating movies because I know sometimes a movie just is not good, but it is enjoyable. This is certainly the case with this movie. It was cliche, predictable, cheesy as I completely expected. But it was heartwarming and charming and I'm a sucker for that shit. I knew when I saw the preview that this was going to be a lame movie, but I also knew I was gonna see it and like it. The movie is about Captain America being some genius dude who ended up raising his genius niece after his genius sister killed herself. Once the genius niece goes to public school it becomes very apparent that she isn't like other first graders and Cap is advised to put her in a gifted school. He refuses because he "wants her to be a normal kid" even though she is clearly a snot nosed little shit that should clearly be in a school that would actually challenge her. So the genius grandma shows up and is like "nah she should be...

Where watched: Theaters Who with: My girlfriend 👫 First off, this movie started out incredibly boring. I went at 7:05 which is usually plenty early and not a movie time I have to worry about falling asleep at. Anything after 8:30 you can count me out, I will be snoring my ass off. However, the first 20 minutes of this movie did actually put me to sleep. To the point where I had to go out and buy some pop and some candy just to wake myself up. Afterwards, the movie became much more enjoyable. It is about the Washington Post and its owner (Meryl Streep) facing a tough decision when the paper gets its hands on some classified documents that basically said the government knew we had no shot to win in Vietnam, but continued to keep our men there just so we didn't have to admit we were wrong. I personally am shocked by this information, as I have always trusted the fine men and women of our government to do what is best for the people without having their own self interest in...

Where watched: at home Who with: my girlfriend 😏 Again, when I watch a movie at home I am not as inclined to like it. I lose focus, and in this case, consciousness. Battle of the Sexes is the story about tennis player Billie Jean King (Emma Stone) and her tennis match against Bobby Riggs (Steve Carrell). It is a sports story I heard of a lot when I was a kid that never made me very happy. I probably hated women as a child, whatever I was a boy and wanted boys to win. The movie covers King's fight to get women tennis players the same prize money as men, but this seemed like a movie more concerned with her extra marital affair with her hair dresser, who was a woman. Shocker. Her husband doesn't take long to find out that she is having an affair, and seems to have had an idea that she was a homosexual (more like Billie Jean Queen). A smart and forgiving man, her husband knew it was best to keep this affair a secret from the public eye, because he did not want to mess up h...

Where watched: Home Who with: Alone, but my blinds were open so maybe some of my neighbors watched a little, depending on their nosiness. As my friends who recommended this documentary to me had put so perfectly, this movie was fucked. This was one of those true crime documentaries, much like Making a Murderer, The Jinx, and The Keepers. This genre has really taken off in the past couple years and it isn't hard to see why. They are captivating as shit. Much like Bambi, this movie didn't waste any time killing off the mother of the main character. More like Mommy Dead and Deerest. After showing the real life tapes of daughter Gypsy getting questioned about the death of her mother Dee Dee, the movie goes into the entire story. Turns out DeeDee was not only an over protective mother, but she was also a crazy bitch. She had a disease called Munchausen Syndrome by proxy. This means that she just made up a bunch of illnesses that her daughter Gypsy had so that people would fe...

Where watched: Theaters Who with: Alone, whatever shut up. Molly's Game is based on the life of Molly Bloom, a former competitive skier (I can relate because I have skied in the Rocky Mountains) who began running very high stakes poker games and got herself into a little trouble with the FBI. The movie is very interesting as she recaps her life and tells some pretty badass stories about the people who played in her games, how she became so rich, and eventually how her life got a little bit out of hand to the point where the Russian mob was breaking into her hotel room to beat the living shit out of her. This was a Sorkin movie, so there was a lot of dialogue. There were times that Chastain's narration sounded a little bit like a Twista song. To Sorkin's credit, however, this movie was long as hell without ever really feeling like it was long as hell. It held my interest the whole time. Chastain was awesome, as she always was. Idris Elba, who I think is highly overra...

Where watched: in theaters Who with: my girlfriend 😎 As somebody who totally despises the Winter Olympics, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. It covers the life of Tonya Harding (Margot Robbie) and her career as a figure skater. Mainly focusing on how she had to deal with an abusive mother (Allison Janney) as well as an abusive husband (Sebastian Stan) while simultaneously struggling with her skating career because she did not fit the wholesome prissy mold of a typical figure skater. All of this eventually lead to the incident where fellow Olympic skater Nancy Kerrigan got her knee bashed in a day before Olympic trials. I really liked the style of the movie, mixing in interviews and the storytelling was creative. The acting was phenomenal all around. Margot Robbie gave her best performance since About Time, which is the greatest movie ever. Trust me, I am a movie blogger. The awesome Allison Janney was great as the worst mother of all time, winning the golden globe and I wouldn...

Where watched: theaters Watched with: myself, and there is no shame in that. I went into this movie thinking that I would not like it very much, but I was pleasantly surprised. The grandson of the J Paul Getty, the richest man in the world played by Christopher Plummer’s old ass, is kidnapped in Italy. Right away, I can connect to this movie because Italy is a country that I have been to. Despite claiming to love his grandson and having more than enough money, Getty refuses to pay the ransom. I suppose that’s why they call him GETty and not GIVEy. This is a major bummer to his ex daughter in law, who is played by Michelle Williams. For some reason, marky mark is there as well. I thought the acting in the movie was very good if you try to forget that Marky Mark was in the movie. Christopher Plummer was famously brought in last minute to clean out the shit that was there before him. More like Christopher Plumber. Michelle Williams was very believable in her role of a woman who ha...

Where watched: My girlfriend’s parents house Who with: My girlfriend and her parents I never really enjoy movies at home as much as I do in the theater, so this movie never really had a chance. While sitting on the couch with my girlfriend and her parents, we decided that we wanted to watch something “lighthearted”. So we landed on The Zookeepers Wife. This movie about nazis murdering a bunch of animals, and humans during the holocaust with just a little bit of rape mixed in. So Jessica Chastain and her husband run this zoo. Then the nazis come and just kill all the fucking animals.Then the nazis decide they are gonna like just chill at the zoo all the time. At this point, the zookeeper decides they are gonna help some Jewish refugees hide there. More like the Jewkeepers Wife. Seems like a weird plan because the nazis are always at this zoo, so hiding them there doesn’t seem all that safe. The main nazi, played by Daniel Bruhle (Rush is an awesome movie) really wants to bang...

Where watched: In theaters Who with: My girlfriend (not to brag) In honor of The Greatest Showman being a musical, I will write my review in song form. Just imagine me dancing to badass choreography as you read it. This is sang to the tune of Stacy’s Mom by the great Fountains of Wayne. [Intro] What is wrong with you, Pt Barnum? What is wrong with you, Pt Barnum? What is wrong with you, Pt Barnum? What is wrong with you, Pt Barnum? [Verse 1] PT do you think exploiting freaks is coool? (freaks is cool) You dressed that midget up, and made him look like a fooooool. (look like a fool) Did you like your self when you finally became riccch? (became rich) Because it seemed to me, like you were kinda a diccccck. (kinda a dick) [Pre-chorus 1] Now I know its Hollywood, so it ends happy Forget the exploitation, these songs are so catchy! [chorus] What is wrong with you, Pt Barnum? You created a weird show, and it went on for so long. Just like you PT, this movie took...

Where seen: In Theaters Who with: My mom While I’m home for the holidays I try to see at least one movie with my mom. I knew that this one was going to be big come Oscar szn so I suggested we go see it. Overall I thought it was a really good movie. The acting was excellent by everybody in it. Michael Shannon played his same scary ass character from Boardwalk Empire, which is a great villain. The old actor who reminds me of the dad from arrested development without all of the sexual abuse was great comic relief. Sally Hawkins could win best actress for playing a mute girl and I would have no problem with that. Abigail Spencer really showed her range after portraying a sassy black woman from the 1960s in both The Help and Hidden F*****s, and played a sassy black woman from the 1960s. If I had to say something negative about this film it would have to be all of the fish fucking. I may be alone in this one, but I wasn’t all that sure that I needed to see a movie about a mute woma...